Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A drink...

...would probably kill me. Talking about a drink with alcohol in it. The first one wouldn't kill me, but the ones after that likely would at some point. Probably almost did numerous times in the past, but there's no medical records to prove it.

Why am I telling you this? Because even though I know that having a drink would lead to VERY bad things for me, I still want one. Some days more than others. Some days it's no big deal. Today happens to be one of the tough ones. I'm not even sure why, to be honest, but it happens to be.

My last drink was 7 years 9 months ago today. I quit because I knew I had to, because I knew that eventually it would kill me. I was so over-the-top binge drinking that I'm surprised I was never hospitalized. I've told stories to even my most hard-core drinking friends that makes them shake their heads. Maybe some day I'll share them on here, but today that isn't going to happen.

Anyways, I quit because I had to. It was a great decision, and has allowed me to dramatically improve my life with a loving wife, two step-daughters, a son and a daughter on the way. I have a great job, make good money.

I have a thousand reasons why I should continue to be sober, and I have no intention of falling off the wagon, but it's a struggle. Using all of the will-power I have to stay positive about it and keep going one day at a time.

Yes, this was a rambling post. Probably many incomplete thoughts and people will likely have more questions than answers. But, it's basically the first time I've put this many words down about this subject, so it'll have to do.


  1. I'm sorry that you feel as if you need a drink but I want to commend you in the almost eight years of sobriety! My thoughts will be with you to make it through the hard times!

  2. Oh honey, I'm so very proud of you. So proud.

    Dammit, now I'm all weepy again.

    I love you.


  3. Sigh.

    My father had a million serious things wrong with him, but nothing was more toxic to his relationships with his family? Than his drinking. It worsened his underlying mental illness, it made him do things and say things he might not otherwise have done, and it made him cruel and uncaring and selfish.

    And it killed him.

    But not before he killed parts of me.

    So, although I don't know you well? I know what it is to be collateral damage in the war that revolves around a serious alcoholic.

    So congratulations on the last 7 years and nine months. And congratulations also? On the beginning of this next sober month.

    Recognizing the difficulty?

    Is not the same as giving in.

    You are strong.

    As my father never was.

    And shut up.

    I can be sensitive if I like.

  4. That is quite an accomplishment, and I wish you much strength in sticking to it! :)

  5. That is awesome! So proud of you! I know what it is like to know you have to quit something or it will kill you. It doesn't mean the urge or thoughts are gone forever just because you quit. What makes you amazing is sticking to it.